Dirty Little Secrets: Throwing A Party

After my recent post about my dirty little secrets (read it here) several friends suggested that I let them in on my other secrets. You know, the things I do that allow me to get through life without going totally insane. So, since it's the holidays, and everyone is stressing out about everything I thought I’d provide some secrets to throwing a great party.

1) As I’ve mentioned previously, cleaning is a snap when you hire out someone else to do it. Schedule them to come no more than 48 hours before your party. And schedule them again for a week later, since it will take you that long to recover and you’ll need the floors and bathrooms all cleaned again.

2) Even though your house is CLEAN, there might still be some clutter hanging around. Cram that clutter anywhere you can – into the washer or dryer, the closet, any empty suitcases, under the bed or couch. If all else fails, get a laundry basket, fill it up and throw it in the garage. (NOTE: if you don’t go looking for whatever you stashed by the time the holidays are over, you never really needed it in the first place. Throw it in the trash!)

3) Never, ever have a sit-down dinner. Instead, advertise that you’ll supply the alcohol if other people will just bring an appetizer to share. It’s way easier to feed a crowd if the crowd brings the food with them. Set out some cheese and veggies and let the home-baked goodies roll in.

Also, by supplying the alcohol, you guarantee that the drinks at your party are ones you actually want. Remember, you’re the only one who doesn’t have to worry about driving home tonight, so drink up! Also, call your pregnant friend and ask her to bring her soft drink of choice. She’ll get what she’s craving and you won’t have to worry about it.

4) Either invite kids and embrace them, or specify no one under the age of 18. This really defines a lot of the dynamics of your party, but it makes the atmosphere clear to your guests, which is easier on them. If kids are allowed, buy the biggest bucket of cheezey-poofs you can find, make a bunch of PBJ sandwiches, and get a ton of juice boxes. They’ll all be gone.

5) Finally, invite fun people. Duh.