Often I find myself in a conversation with another mom who
laments that she just cannot get her kids to do anything to help around the
house. And I’ll admit, there was a time when I felt the same way.
However, I instituted a few changes at our house, mostly
related to allowance and privileges. See if any of these can work around your
house. And if you have any dirty little secrets you’d like to share with me or
other moms about getting kids to do chores, please add them to the comments –
we all want to know!
1 – Allowance. Money is the best bribe. I started out at the
beginning with a $1 allowance. Hey, it was way more than they had, and they
didn’t really need anything. Now they’re in 7th grade and we’re up
to $5 per week (which I hear is low in this age bracket.)
2 – Set the expectations clearly at the beginning. When you
institute the allowance, make it clear that it’s in exchange for helping around
the house. Don’t be specific about the chores – i.e. do this every day and get
a gold star. Instead, have them do one or two things every day that YOU NEED
DONE. Some days, its laundry, other days, sweep the floor. This helps them see
that keeping the house is all kinds of things. And keep the chores short and
easy. No one (not even you) wants to spend all afternoon doing chores. But if
they can match the socks and then they’re done, then the commitment is low
enough that they’ll do it.
3 – No negotiations. If you’re willing to negotiate, the
kids can see weakness at the very beginning. Your rule is law and they have no
say.
4 – Pull the allowance when they slack off. When we first
started our allowance-for-chores practice, things were rosy for about two
weeks. Then they started to slack off. I mentioned it, but didn’t really get a
response. So on payday – BAM! NO ALLOWANCE! Not a cent. “But Mom, I did the
dishes the other day.” Sorry kid, these are my rules, I hold the money, and you
agreed to these terms. Suck it up and do a better job, or no cash.
5 – Stop paying for things they want. That’s right. The
allowance is a way for them to not only earn a pocket full of cash, but to use
it to get the things they want. Sometimes I even agree to pay for half. Most
things cost more than a weeks worth of allowance, so even by paying half, it
costs them a substantial amount of their savings to get that thing.
6 – Give bonuses. Yep, for good behavior.
7 – If the money isn’t enough of a bribe, then turn to
privileges. The computer, the game console, the music. Whatever they value. The
message isn’t that you’re depriving them, it’s that the house has to be taken
care of before they can enjoy these extra things. Hell, you don’t get to go to
bed or play games until you finish your chores, why should they? If they help
around the house, they can enjoy the fruits of that labor. Again, you’re not
asking them to spend hours doing chores. If they can just sort the laundry,
they’ll be done and you won’t have to ask them again.
Depending on the age of your kids, these tactics can work
pretty well. I started with Alex & Maryssa when they were around 8 and have
progressively built on both the allowance and the difficulty of the chores. I
typically will leave a post-it on the counter with one or two things I need
done by the time I’m home from work. Usually, its done and I don’t ask any
questions. On they days they forget, a gentle reminder can often kick them into
gear and its complete by dinner time.
